back to china from hk

im mighty crashed after hk. will give a proper update tomo. hehe

click click click

Sad about something?

24h in shenzhen

being casual but not smart.

My bro in Shanghai said that I am desperate for a good party and maybe he is right, and than he ask me if i need Charlie for Karens hen party in Shanghai...i told him considering my dads position in the Chinese army i should keep a profile lower than the fucking longlost Atlantis. Instead I took the train over to the notorious Shenzhen last night with the hope of hitting up some sick party. Met up with a old childhood friend there, apparently he is doing inside-trading in the Kong which means residing just across the border in Shenzhen does not only cut down the housing cost but also gives you a legal bullet proof vest. Muy bien I thought, bring on the moet and the whores! Me and Dave(kid friendship rocks) went to the Hyatt bar and we insisted on breaking the dress code by going in our sneakers, casual yes, smart, my ass. After one bottle and 3h of bitching about girls being complicated(dave) and Korean boys are hot but got small dicks(me) we agreed on that we r too old to do shots like the old faggot days in Beijing. So we just sat there in our mudcovered Converse, sipping on our overpriced drinks while high class prostitutes mingled around with 40 yr olds southern European business men in Zegna suits. and we thought we were old..

After receiving birthday greetings for the past 3 days i feel more loved than ever. Isnt it sweet when people you least expect or long lost friends contact you on your special day. I dont believe in fate but after last nights mouth diarrhea in a 5 star penthouse im starting to realize that none of us need to push things too hard, the way of the world has its own course for you. Let you magnetism work and all the pieces will eventually fall into place. When there is room for love, love hard. When we need time to grow, give yourself some time and take it slow. But dont waste any time on hating. Bitching is allowed though.

Dad called me 5 times this morning while i was still snoozing away last nights ventures. This never ever happens so i picked up with my ladyboy voice and expected some sort of "i found cigarettes in your room" slaying. Apparently my mum sent a birthday gift to his place and didnt put any sender-info. So he thought it must be a bomb or anthrax (seriously he need to stop watching political dramas) and asked his driver to drop the package 7 floors (chinese army defusing bomb technique). Its not like they were surrounded by 50 gallon steel drums full of highly explosive toxic waste, and facing a bomb that reads 2 minutes until detonation. They opened the brown package carefully with some kind of armature and I bet my dad was secretly hoping to find
3 unlabeled wires that must be cut in the correct sequence in order to interrupt detonation. He calls me later and tells me dissapointed that its a Celine bag. He also says he thinks its ugly. Yeah i must agree it looks pretty vintage now after he treated it like a prop in Die Hard.

my birthday gift to myself this year: self-reflection

today i would like to say i hate indonesia

its my birthday today here already in china and i m starring at a screen with a bunch of sharks swimming in the wild sea. i dont feel older n i def. do not feel its my birthday.

if you can figure out why i hate indonesia ill post u a pair of my used undies.

motherland and father!

Air China was bloody luxury, half empty plane which meant I could spread all my stuff around me without having anyone bitching about my gypsy organizing skills. i surprised my dad at the airport by chance cause he was standing infront of the monitor checking for my flight arrival, dang, daddy got skills, he lost like fucking 100 kilos it looks like. getting a gf does make u wanna look sharper. plus whats up with the red undies on our balcony?! hell, isnt it a bit too obvious. the old man is getting more action than I. oh banana go n kick urself.

i stored away a stock of snuff in my dads fridge, if he asks i will just say its my allergy medicine.

more updates tomo and on friday we r going to celebrate my birthday. although my lunar one was already last tuesday. turning 28 never felt colder.

laters

all my eggs in one basket

i slept 4 h last night and for some reason i dreamt about this guy i randomly banged for exactly a year ago in seoul, it was a nightmare yo! i rmba he was like the hottest thing i had seen but the lack of well equipped tools made me a very very sad girl.

anyways, i m heading to the airport in a couples and right now i wish my old maid carol was here to help me to fold my undies and guns. im tired, im hurt, im flying away. no valium needed for this flight, im doozing away already.

i will see what i can do about blogspot being blocked in motherland. vpn vpn vpn

love ya all

banana

to pizza or not to pizza

my last wknd here in swedenland (for this summer) brought me back som hopes about that home could be more than a place where u hang ur head. after last night i dont think my head exist anymore. I cant see myself living here ALONE. I need to get a dog or a husband to keep myself busy with, i wana iron manshirts on sunday mornings while my husband is on his way back from a conference where he fucked some random clerks from the operations department. why cant we all live in one city. im not feeling good, these days i feel like shit but i keep holding my knees up, my panties clean, my bra tight! going strong for what? so that i can live a 9-5 life with drunken wknds followed by another meaningless workweek. no thank you i want a fucked up world where passion is everywhere and penises doesnt come in small packages.

deftones is playing in the backgound and i cant stop thinking about bali, this song reminds of bali and how much i hated being there with aj and when i was standing in the our balinese kitchen making mushrooms shakes for him. my boobs are making a (small) come back and with my now fuller body I never felt more empty. I cant be made of flesh and blood there must be more to it, i might be easy on the eyes but i am not easy on the heart. believe me, im trying hard to become the norm. i fucking wants to define the NORM. my attention disorder is breaking my own heart and others. even my writing nowdays feels like jibberish, like a rebel without a cause. really, that expression is exactly how i feel right now....corny shit u think.
nothing will ever become better, life only consists of small strings of laughs but most of it is only dissappoints and waiting for more sadness or the worst: emptiness.

color my life with the chaos of trouble NOW

the letter i never sent

dear arsehole,

u dont deserve real love you punk (you hated when I called you that PUNK PUNK PUNK). you think you loved me but you never did, you dont even know what real love is. real love is letting things go, real love is being true to others but most importantly to yourself. some people may say love comes before loyalty, i think without loyalty there can be no love. i never ever cheated on you and you are hating me because of the wrong reasons. if you only knew how much i held my feelings back and later how I managed to pour myeslf out because of you you will understand why I dont value the word love or how little the phrase "i love you" means to me.

i never thought I will hate you but i am not feeling any remorse for saying that i will be smiling when you are bitching cause someone cut your penis in 5 pieces. i will be laughing until my stomach hurts when you fall on your face and dont know what direction to go. you are a selfish lil bitch ass that got a long way to go and i promise you, if our path ever cross again you better be ready cause my palm will be coming at such rapid speed toward your dirty cheek you wouldnt even know your own name when I am done with you. you will see me turn my beautiful neck(yes, i know your weakness punk) and walk away in my two slenders and for a moment you would ask yourself how you could ever let a real woman runaway. let me save you a bitchslap and tell you that I never ran away cause i believes in loyalty and i fuck on the first date.

x
y.

homedelivered vodka with valium por favor

fricking thursday. everything that can wrong will go wrong. i m problably the worst person when it comes to adapting to new circumstances when it comes to my personal business. being one hot mess (thanks ms chung) still means Im a mess. And lately I havnt being spreading around much of my hotness. more like im so stressed i sweat like im in menopause. and i think the 30s is finally knocking on my door, everything i eat seems to go to the arse and hips. my hip is literally ripping apart my panties, atleast someone is ripping it apart.

whats my name? banana? please dont step on me cause ill make you fall.

one thought just came to my mind, if sleep is so important why the hell does the yoga mornig classes has to start so bloody early. i need to have time to smoke my 5 cigarettes before exercise.

now some mingle with my ex-consulting firm. my ex-file is bursting, personal and professional. i am a stable person. promise.

and i will be expecting drunken calls this wknd from u all, my last wknd in swedenland for this summer! holla at me 0046707732857 --------------------------- bisou

this one is for my bonbon. he is not worth it. he is giving up before even trying

im busy so here is something to keep u busy

i feel cheap

today i feel dirt cheap. woke up at noon when my phone was ringing, it was my ex ex ex bfs mum. hell does come knocking on the door sometimes, but she was nice and i actually misses her. ran down to the hippie cafe and grabbed some quesadilla with espresso and thought i was dying when i realized i finished up a whole box of mint chocolate last night while watching arrested development. i feel pressured, in 2 weeks ill be in hk and last summer was just fucking dope. i dont know think anything can top that shit i managed to squeeze out in 2010. love happens when u least expect it but ouch how the aftermath can hurt! i m not depressed, im just too happy. namaste namaste namaste, not working.

Hk was cool in 2006 cause we used to make friends with total strangers 5am at mcdonalds coz they thought eggs benedict is better than sunny side up. Hk was cool in 2010 cause we thought tomorrow would never come and total strangers became lovers and friends fuck buddies. Hk will be cool in 2011 cause we will be too smashed to even rmba about really went down in 2006 or 2010. love will not save your life but it does fil that empty space in ur almost 30 uterus with something less pretencious than a fucking baaaaaaaybiiiiii.

i need valium

monday

yo sucker! im running like a labmouse on crack these days. in one week ill be in motherland again, a lil bit of daddy to start with. than we got queen ks wedding that is turning out to be the reunion of the century. ulrik just holla-ed at me from copenhagen and he is sorry that my lovelife consists of oversubscription of relationships and one heart broken in 1000 pieces. so i told him he should be happy that he still fucks his gf more than once per week. he calls me a heartbreaker and I insists on being the one with the broken heart. this is the man that used to sneak me into his post-grad dorms 7 in the morning and let me take as many of his painkillers as I wanted. bros before hos. wooooooord!

gotta run. laters lovers and fuckers.

when I enter a room I m going to walk in slowmotion while this song is playing

pain pleases pleasure

heartbroken and homicidal

i went to the movies with Y. and it was vanessa paradis running around in chanel dresses in monaco with this french dude that looks like he got a gum stuck to his fronttooth. je l'aime. go n see it, its called Heartbreaker or something like that in french.

talking about broken hearts, i never admitted to myself how heartbroken I am after the whole rollercoaster ride with aj n hw. honestly I am fucking heartbroken. i can say that this is the first time I have felt like this. its not like i am too sad to wake up in the morning but it has reached to the point that my interest for the opposite sex or sex overall is nil. isnt that fucking tragic. i still havnt figured out if aj, hw or myself is the cause for this need to smoke heroin (i would never do it but still admit it sound pretty sweet).

ok folks, im just going to spit it out. I AM FUCKING SAD, HOMICIDAL AND HEARTBROKEN. Dont get fooled by the smirk on my face its all just theatre or the intermission between when I sit here in the mid of night sleepness sipping alcohol.

i am worried about myself. and that says it all. no alcohol, drugs, men or bags(!) will make me feel better. im just going to sit this one out.

its hard being myself when few can appreciate it

Me:

"Thats great. Do let me know the plan and what kind of tasks I will be dealing with so I can prepare accordingly. Meanwhile here is my updated CV. I need to start to look for accomodation in SHA if this will be happening. I see this as an opportunity to get to know the market and also work on my network. If you agree with me than I think this could be a win-win situation for both of us! Thanks alot Andrew!"

Andrew:

"plan... tasks... accordingly... know the market... network... win win..."

Good god! What has working in Scandinavia done to you? You sound like a bunch of business self help books cobbled together!"

Me:

"good that people like you can give me a bitchslap when needed and drag me out of the cubicle world i have been living in since i got back to this country where women are not allowed to behave like real redblooded women and men are like women (read how feminism destroyed the real men).

so here i am with lots of brass in my pocket and no skin off my nose. which should be appreciated more but i guess i havnt found my place yet, or maybe its the opposite. i guess i m a hippie entrepreur in corporate slutsuit.

hit me back if you think i could squeeze out some juice in china this summer rather than pounding the deadmeat in stockholm. im thirsty like a beast. "

Result:

"now THAT is the goddess I remember!"

what am my doing here?

i seriously got no idea why i am back in sweden. need to leave NOW