selected works from your old cold heart

"omg I can't watch this! Stopped at "its pulling images from Google Earth". Hey I have an idea: the machine could write out texts on your living room wall. Instead of an alert, you hear the damn thing scribble and you have to walk over and pray it's not rendering the picture of an erect penis, or lurid language. I'd also write an algorithm for the machine to ding the most artistic way to launch itself out the window.  I prefer the idea of attaching little paint boots to a pet. or this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP43iCcNYBs"

"I believe it's crucial not to spank solely based on behaviour; the person spanked may come to understand what has to be done in order to receive said hand on ass, and then it becomes mundane role playing. What keeps it interesting is not knowing whether a specific behaviour, be to good or bad, will elicit a reaction"

"it's hard not seeing you. it's so hard, i've decided to join the army. i'll be traveling the world, fixing broken radiators on trucks designed to fix broken light bulbs on air bases. my name will be Harry, Harry Spotme. I'll have a moustache, and I'll name it Sally. It's not like "When Harry Met Sally". In my version, Sally is a whore, and she sits on my face, casually. i really miss talking to you, [my name]. and i miss your stupid sense of humour and your face...I mean the sex. I miss that so much I've decided to become a giraffe. maybe you can become one too and we can leave the city and find a nice tree in the wild to hand around"

"i have to confess: you are correct, except about my age. I'm only about 800 years old. I've forgotten exactly when I was born and it matters little as I'll never die. Birthdays just aren't for me. They're only for those who need to understand the passage of time. I don't bother with such simple-minded, yearly reminders. But I've got plans for you, darling. It's important I send you something so let me know when you can receive a package from New York. In the meantime, if you'd like to know more about me, you should watch Catherine Deneuve, David Bowie and Susan Sarandon in The Hunger"