Water under my bridge

It's all cool between us. I'm so happy that I left the circle.

Sex-sweat taste more salty

I am skyping with Jules in Cali. and we just agreed on that it is wrong of our mothers to put an expiry date on us. I am not fucking dairy that turns sour if no one consumes me. I rather be happily single than miserably married. For a long time I thought my family is more liberal than most Chinese families, but I guess Lin was right, Asian mums are crazy but asian mums that got out of asia are just fucking insane. Im just going to rely on my fathers crystal ball in this case. Atleast he only listens to the stars. N they r usually on my side.

Wuhan in the old days

Wuhan HSBC building

Wuhan Customs House

Breaking with the new ideas by having three hour long conversations with your grandma about anal sex is better than fighting over the phone with your mum about whom you will marry. Period.

Gravitation is responsible for me falling in love with you

It was with mixed feelings I left SHA for WUH yesterday, seeing one person dissapear after another from kcs' penthouse made me get more sentimental than I should. I always had a big heart and why is that I have to always defend myself because of it. When did it become a bad thing to be a good person? My uncle picked me up after my flight being delayed for 3hours, I don't even get stressed anymore about being delayed at the airport, life is too short for it. I was totally smashed at the time I arrived at my grandmas, slept a solid 11h besides when my phone ran at 8am and the most handsome voice came from my very abused IPhone.

If I have to stay for another month here in China I would pull that trigger yes. So I got some travelling plans coming up before my return to Swedenland.

off to grandma later today

...

I dont know what to say. I don't need to say anything. It's just life. “Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.”

anticipation

I stayed up the whole night chatting with kc n her mister, sitting on a stool in the kitchen puffing away my nervous nerves. The talk was so intense kc got blood coming out of her nose at the same time as the sun rose up. I m so nervous I could puke n fall asleep and run a marathon at the same time. the driver is picking me up at 8.50am....2.5h left n I think I'll going to faint. I am pretty sure that when I see u I won't feel this way anymore. Let's hope so cause otherwise I might walk into a wall and make out with it.

sweet jesus I've no control. its feels terribly confusing yet wonderful, just like I told you.

In SHA

Im finally here! Got to go n have lunch with k.c so will update more later.

xo

Discipline

I can't take it anymore, I need this now...or I'll vaporize into thin air. Let me breathe it, let me by swallowed by it, let my blood in my veins sing like a river of milk cause I need it.

It's a wrrrap

Good Idea; Tape it, watch it and than burn it.

Bad Idea: Tape it, watch it, save it on your phone in hope that you can watch it later anytime anywhere. But you are the ususal dumbass and naturally you will loose the phone in a random cab on a random night and soon enough you are the next Paris Hilton.

...

I yacked this morning and spent the rest of the day in bed watching BBCs´Madame Bovary and writing in my diary. My uncle gave me some medication that looks like heroin and told me to take it three times a day for a week. If I had any appetite left it would be drained away by this powdery soot.

Will update more once I feel better. Now bed.

stay where I can see you

I am doing the countdown and this is a familiar feeling I had before, when Johan was in the military service and during the year when AJ was in Singapore. Fuck fuck fuck I fucking hate this. I promised myself never do a countdown in my whole fricking life again, and here I am...counting it down once again. And the worst thing is that after one countdown there will be another one. I fucking hate it, why can´t friends, lovers and families all live in one place. That would be my paradise. Sometimes I want to hit the restart button and pause it at the favourite part and maybe we could skip the goodbyes.


It's times like these when I wish I could teleport to you...
I'm jealous of you, moon...

very kosher in china

I only want 2 looks for Shanghai and it spells Sweden

Day-look

Night-look

Soooooooooo I'm heading to the city again to c lady k. I got 30kg worth of luggage and nothing to wear, isn't it typical. Atleast my hair is starting to look less Diana Ross and more Victoria Secret so I can always wear my curls when everything else fails.

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”

I have been having these really weird dreams about you, I keep on dreaming that you are sleeping next to me and it is the most wonky feeling to discover that you are not when I wake up. Than you call me or text me which makes the reality more real and I have to go n suck on my nicotine inhaler 152 times inorder to even have a normal conversation with my grandma.

And than I looked at some happy summer pictures of my high school friends on facebook. What a fucking bad mistake. Everybody is blonde, smiling and being jolly, are u fucking kidding me I cant breathe when I think about I got to go back to that paradise. I m now used to the shakey world I have been living in for the last two years. I dont want to be happy and contend and breathe fresh air. I like being me, an overrated spoilt slut with plenty of bad habits. I got good manors thou. Today I learned how to say "I want to fuck you hard" in Korean. It doesn't get more physical than this, its like socrates on E.

I am saying all the things you like, so lets get animal ANIMAL.

somebody broke my heart already

usksuksukbigfuck

It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be
It was not meant to be

Can I have it like that?

I would like to rock this look for the winter season, I wanna look like a expensive whore in real fur n plexi heels wrapped in even more fur. Fuck it if I look like Snowmans bride, this is hoooot.

Goosh, being at my grandmas is facing my addiction for nicotine and caffeine everyday. Plus major fucking withdrawl of good sex, who am I kidding...its more like NO sex here. The smell of the city is not the most arousing thing either.

my way

its slow

details in the fabric

listen, just because you gave birth to me doesnt mean that you can be a total psycho everytime it suits you. i've been trying hard for 27yrs and that must mean something no? i m not saying that it is easy, its not easy nor for you or mex. but you were here before me and that must been something no?

Withdrawl

cravings

Since last night I have been feeling really uneasy, it may be my new pouffy hair or the lack of nicotine or the fact that I was looking forward to talk on the phone with a dear friend n than ended up finish watching 500 days of summer instead. Good movie, not a love story but I seriously does not like romantic comedies anyways, it makes me sad, really sad.

I m blasting Prince on Spotify and my cousin is scratching his balls in the livingroom, I have concluded that he is the Chinese version of Forrest Gump. How cool is that! I really want to beat some toughness in him, somehow I realized he is tough in his own Aspbergs syndrome nerdy way. Yes, I want that shirt to be buttoned all way up.