good karma doesnt come on a bike

my bike got stolen yesterday even thou i parked it inside my building. what kind of person steal from its neighbour? kipling said once "Borrow trouble for yourself, if that's your nature, but don't lend it to your neighbours." My neighbours seems to smoke crack for breakfast and shit in my bed. I was so sad (cause its S. bike that I borrowed while she is sipping chianti in florence) so I wrote a note that i put up down at the entrance saying basically; to the motherfucker that took my bike, i want it back or ill hunt u down n circumcise u with mothers rusty breadknife. if u wanna steal from me atleast steal my stuff not my friends...im sad...angry....bla..bla... i live on the 3rd floor apartment xxxxx COME N FIND ME CAUSE ILL FIND YOU".

good thing is that J. was here and we smoked some just so we could have the energy to run around the block for munchies n my bike. i passed out in my livingroom couch and woke up at 2am having a fricking i-got-my-bike-stolen panicattack. thought about calling my shrink but than Im pretty sure that he will enjoy the dramas in my life n make me his casestudy nr 576. My italian boytoy thinks its funny that the bike gets stolen the same day I bought a helmet, HAHAHA not funny. He tells me its the murphys law. I think its bad karma. I was problably a bike-slut in my former life, you know one of those overly intense bike riders that wears uni-sex spandex in obnoxious colors (no legitimate reasons for wearing unitards or how it improves the biking). Anyone that spends up to 5 grand on a single bike and occasionally talks incoherent about their heartrate should be punished. So as a former vivid bike-whore I got my punishment yesterday.

this morning Im standing infront of my livingroom window and looks down at the street n what do I see? MY FUCKING BIKE! It wasnt there last night so they motherfucker returns it after all. What a fucker. Ill still hunt u down! Italian boytoy is now saying that i got good karma cause he mentally spanked me the other day (OKAY?...whatever that means). So my conclusion is that in my former life I was a bike-slut during daytime and just a slut during nighttime. Genuinly nightime sluts usually got good karma.

over n out bitches. over n out.

namaste my ass

fuck yoga, i find stress less boring.

wonda why they call you b_____ with a twist

AND

EQUALS



Thanks M. You make me feel like a wolf (hot girl) in sheep’s (boys’) clothing. Now I will think twice before I leave my vibrator out on the drawer.

why football is worth watching

Pep is thinking - HOT

went to see the game today Madrid versus Barcelona. It was hard to keep my two slender together when 22 tanned fit latinos is chasing a ball for 90 solid minutes. Even Moreno got that i am old but i make love like a 17 yr old look. Have u seen Guardiola (pic)? I wanna have his babies. The fact that my ex-kimchi bf is problably dreaming about getting his arse fucked by this man doesnt makes it better. Oh well, this man sure can make any straight guy go both ways. I sure will let him (not kimchi, guardiola) put it anywhere. Sorry for the lack of elegance but i gaines 6 pounds and now that im officially fat in fashionworld I should try harder.

I need to go somewhere but i dont know where exactly

the planets are not on my side

did you read the last two posts? alright, alright. the kimchi is starting to send me weird sms in korean, i bet its his new gf trying to figure out who this hottey on her new beaus phones is. the portuguese egg tart defriended me on facebook cause his new wifey from minnesota doesnt think its okay for him to include me on his who-the-fuck-gives-a-shit friendlist. u know what, by my guest...looking like jannice dickinson does give the right to behave like a immature redneck.

do i sound bitter? Noooooooooooooooooo I am not bitter, I am fucking raging. being an adult when everyone else is behaving like epileptic babies spells harder than HARD.

and i thought we could be friends

CAN ALL MY EXs NEW GFs LEAVE ME ALONE.

im a danger to myself - n you n you n you!

if i m going to do the bad thing, atleast do the better. i think my dad said that. he knew that trouble always comes n find me.

spent some time on the phone with j-f. today, after having the italian holiday ive decided to turn another chapter in my not-so-random life n enter the fucking hippie-car-crash life with a pair of caramel colored slippers. i told him i dreamt about having sex with him over a glass of split orangejuice on his kitchentable (big fat lie). he tells me that he doesnt take a queue-nr and wait plus that his kakaotalk is working again. i told him to go and fuck himself and that we have fun together and that i like him. im down to earth NOOOOOO, im down for whatever.

im just tired today. getting my boobs punctured, getting more drugs from my nose doc, buying old china n crystal ashtray, smoking, rolling, smoking, rolling, getting a bike for my new hippie life, playing tennis for my not so hippie life, eating eggs with white apsaragus. tomo ill write more.

alora...so many men n so lil time

soooo im back in sthlm! its been only a couple of days away from the ordinary and it feels like a month in the extraordinary. must have been the mountain air or the large amount of loose tobacco consumed under the alp sun, yepp i frickin burned my nose...what a amatuer. OR simply just the sight of this man. there is a certain swagger about him that strikes the right balance between arrogant and insecure, manly and boyish, and - best of all - sexy and silly. I still havnt figured out why it feels so natural to stroke his hair while he is being mr busy on his blackberry or let him wake me up by stroking mine. thank you for letting me sleep in my own bed, and occiasionally fall asleep in yours while pulp fiction is playing in the background, Cheese royale never tasted better samuel l jackson would have said. i never expected this although my friend S. warned me before I left.. my mind and body was as cold as an fucking ice cube and now I m just cool, not cold. downside of this story is that i swear like a 12 yr old brat after being in italy and has developed a love for rolling me own fags. fuck, when was the last time i had a man cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner for me plus feeding me with all the pastry i point at AND he drives to the tobacco store to get me rizla filter on-demand. Fuck, this is even better than what my father can come up with. Sorry for that, it might have sounded abit weird. but hey, love between friends can be reckon as love between family members. yes u fucking spoil me. u spoil me so much it makes john McEnroes looks prude.

however, i will resist you like a anorectic resisting the food. thank you for getting my mojo back and most importantly falling in love with me myself again.

calmness before the storm before the calmness

i went to pick up my books that i ordered online after work today and they guy was having a guessing game going on with himself

dude: H&M?
me: no
dude: books?
me: yeeeah. and a pack of lucky strike red pls
dude: can i see ur id please?
me: *wtf* I am almost 30!
dude: take it as a compliment
me: ill...try

Apparently I look like a underaged bookworm

oh well no one is perfect.

i miss u dude

klick for bigger version

life in short, life is not short - unfortunately.

i just read jules blogpost and yebb she bitch about her work as well. whenever i feel like bitching about my work i tend to imagine me without the job n it used to make me feel better. now i just imagine myself with a different job, n no it doesnt make me feel better. i wish i could hate my job, i dont think i can hate anything for real anymore. I used to hate mornings, hate slow people, hate soulcrushing comicons, nerds that falls in love, toothless albanians, flats that smells like soup...u name it.

I think He took all my hate away. I dont even know if its a good thing or a bad thing. Love tore us apart but the most sad thing is that He took all my hatings away as well. Or maybe it is a good thing. But I just dont feel much nowdays. Everything is just bland.

I should give up on the bass, Im too old. It’s not like, fuck fists! Lets fist-fuck instead. I was too early and too much at the same time.

Tomo Im going to Luciana my waxing lady, I called her today just to tell her that Im fucking perioding n the only thing she said in a brazilian accent was "waxing ok with tampon". I dont hate her either.

xx

monthly blog fail from senor juan

Brazilian Waxing DIY - do not try this at home, BY URSELF

I dont know how I could get this crazy idea of doing this on myself after 7 yrs of having it done by professionals in a proper salon enviroment. Imagine me standing in my bathroom sweating like a pig with burning (pink) wax between my legs, I could never finish it cause after I "kind of" completed the left side I just couldnt put my right-side pussy through the humiliation. I intend to have a respectful relationship with both side of my pussy, we understand each other and have gone through alot together. Bros before hos right...or whatever. So on wednsday after my shrinksession with Wolfgang(yeah, thats his real name) Im going to Luciana my brazilian wax lady to get a it done! Right now I have to figure out what to tell Luciana, its like I fricking cheated on her if I show up with my half-waxed ass. Should I apply massive amount Regaine or just tell her that I masturbated with my epilator and had a minor accident with it. I guess You were right, life is not about how many fucking breath we take its those moment when u have to call your buddy and tell her that you are late cause you are having a "waxing emergency" in your bathroom.

Drinking three glasses of wine doesnt make you an alcoholic. BYe! ^^

omg omg omg

its almost fucking MAY!?

one year passed already?

2010-2011, feels like 5 yrs. Atleast i got 5 yrs older, 5 times wiser, 5 times sillier and most importantly fell in love 5 times harder.

i cant say much today besides that there is no exit.

gonna kill a stodgy n try to iron my stuff, god i miss our cleaning lady carol. forget about importing boyfriends, this year its all about importing your philippino maid.

cheers suckers,

we were suppossed to be meet in 2 month....for a year ago.

öööhhh what the fuck is this?

So its 3 am and I just got home and I am checking out silver shoes and babydoll sleepwear on topshop and I find this on my computer...now I realize that I have to bring out a bigger bag than the one I got if I wanna clean out everything from my kimchi-story. Goosh, u korean boys really knows how to spread yourself around. Uuuh, its storm 2 warning tonight, sweet, there is nothing better than sleeping while the whole world is getting blowed away.

i wanna rooooooock. night

Everytime i need to shop i should just sign up for a ballet class and "arabesque penchée" away my need to consume the dollars.

"I saw you on the subway today in Seoul, I mean a girl that just looked like you. You looked happy. Please be happy Y."
- Alan

I will trade your time for my love

Its funny how nice colleagues become when they know you are leaving, am I some kind of walking career quarterback or wot? It could be the simple fact that we turned back the clock one hour two weeks ago and the lightness of daytime brightens up peoples life. Well, I dont think so. Its LG, where wrinkles are being frowned everyday and the coffee tastes like gut - deliberately. Its not amazing, the fensghui at that building is so "maized" Probably because of how “amaizing” it feels when you stick it up your cunt. Vegetarian yooooo.

Waiting for something a-mazing to happen at work its as likely as that bum in swinshort down the corner by the kebabplace thats waiting for the tsunami of pussy to come crashing down on top him and sweep him out into a sea of more fantastic shit that will never happen...dude, thats a long sentence. Sorry for my english.

Tomo I will dress like a serbian criminal and maybe something AMAZING will happen at work. No maize in my pussy please, Im on K-hab i.e. Koreanboy-rehab. No more ever again. That kimchi sure was tasty but gives you a fucking heartburn - literally.

night suckers. love u all

An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness,not by reception

we will always have last summer

I will always remember the summer of 2010, when I lost myself into you and I had my first "love story" experience. I will never regret anything I did with you and I know that you might be angry with me but I really wish you all the happiness, like I always did. As long as you are happy it doesnt matter if we are together or not. I will always remember you and I am moving on, I am sorry but I have to.

Thank you for all the warmth and kindness you shared with me, most importantly you made my heart heal. It was love and it will be again, just not the way we imagined.

There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go.

now that i cleaned u out can u clean me out of ur fb profile pic?

its like saying that alot of water doesnt makes you wet

did u know that kimchi almost never spoils? what a thing to say right on a sunday evening.

i went to bed at 5 am after hitting up the bars with S. the night life here makes me sleepy, and the stodgys doesnt makes it better. i dont like the feeling of lighting a ciggarette on a crossroad i have crossed a million times before. i like being a tourist, i think i hate being swedish or more correctly the swedishness in me turns me off. having a 50 yr old "ulf" coming on you from the back while smelling ur hair n saying "god damn u smell nice" makes me wanna throw up the drink i am still waiting for. swedishness 1 me 0.

i hate being home. home is where u hang ur head and ur pussy.

laters suckers