Life is a bitch according to a bitch

I got assloads of work so I will just post something short for the moment.

This is what I received in my mailbox this morning from Aaron aka Bryan Boy of Canada.

"Life is like a cock. If it's hard. Fuck it"

xx

kids...

Me and Michelle (kid to my friend Mira) walking by the poolside on our way to a tiny-tot birthday party.

Michelle - why don't you quit your job and become my nanny?
Me- why would you like that?
Michelle - cause you are so nice...*picking her nose*
Me - well, you have to pay me really well you know, I got a univeristy degree. Plus that I am going back to school to take a P.hd
Michelle - a pschpd?
Me- yeah, everyone in my family got one.
Michelle - everyone in your family got a PSP?
Me- mmmm, ....do you wanna smell Alex underwear?

After the party I took the 6 year old up to my flat for her to sniff my bfs briefs. Apparently, we should use more softner. Yeah, we don't want him to get sore balls.

Ordning o reda pengar på fredag

click on the picture to see the cancer tumour on the cigarette pack

There is no more Monday blues, because every Monday afternoon my lovely part-time maid Carol will drop by my place and make every wrong right again. No matter how filthy the kitchen is or how much dirty laundry there is to do and iron she always leaves the place clean and organised. I love how she arrange all the loose shit I got all over the house like she is preparing for a surgery.

Gosh, nothing beats the smell of softener. I think I am getting older, when I was in my teens I used to love the smell of gasoline.




I went to the video store to rent some DVDs the other day and seriously they don´t have anything good there, everything is censored. I came home with American Gigolo, JFK and When Sally met Harry. Dude, When Sally met Harry is credited as Not Suitable for Children under 16 and American Gigolo NSF18! Muhahahaha, and there is even a tag saying "Sexual references" on When Sally met Harry. I sure do live in a fucked up country.


Yesterday I had a test shoot in the botanic gardens, today I got ants coming out of my ass.

Take a bet on me

Apparently Andrew at work got hit by a car this morning when he was coming out of his condo on his bike, at work we were betting on from which side he was hit on. Angela came by my desk and asked me to take a bet, seriously whats the point to bet on something that is 50/50 anyways.

My official work week has finished, but this wknd there is alot happening. I update you guys on that later on.

Sayonara suckers

Alexander who?

My agency called me in for a test shoot a couple of days ago, they “flew” in this photographer from Amsterdam for their models to update their portfolio. I had a talk with the director of the agency and she is such a darling, too bad she is not doing bookings for models anymore. My booker and her assistant on the other hand is of a different story, it is like they are walking around with a PMS cloud over their head every frickin day.

So I told the head booker that I don’t feel comfortable with the agency mainly because they are very commercial and I would like them to let me go – detach me from the contract. Holy molly, she started to scream at me and telling me that just because I am from Europe I think I am too good for them and that there is no money in high fashion anyways and that she has never been so honest and mean to anyone and that she is spending one hour of her valuable time sharing career secrets to me …. blablabla. Hand on my heart, she is (probably) a lovely person but I just can’t eat the whole commercial shit. And believe me when I say that I am not doing this for the Benjamins. There is no cashing in this business for you unless you are Kate or Gisele, which I learnt for over five years ago in HK. So spare me the talk about how commercial stuff pays you more than editorial. You want to exploit me? You scratch mine and I will scratch yours, hell, I even put on some lotion on yours if you are really smooth.

When you go for a casting in Europe you have to show your personal style and absolutely NO makeup. Here you go with a frickin cupcake all over your face and have to dress like a whore. And Alexander Wang is suddenly the old Chinese guy selling noodles across the street. Okay, I really want to book that job but I not am going to look like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Actually they would consider her look in the movie “classy” here in Singapore.

My current internship finishes in May, so do expect me sporting a pair of patent thigh-high leather boots in two month and fake glittery eyelashes. N for your information, while every other fashion capital is into the whole Rock glam Balmain thingy, here is all about Miss World 2005…*sigh*

Office space

Office space

I am doing a 6 month internship in this German company and my work is just as exiciting as last weeks coffee stains on your kitchen table cloth. Advice: Use alot of bleach, ALOT.

The first 1 month I was so exicited I would wake up at 6am, doing my agenda for the day and be at my desk not later than 8am (we start at 9am). However after a while I started to notice that being the new intern was much more complicated than it sounds like. The middle management people from other department would love me to help them(they are not paying for it anyways) but my own department was scared to death to teach my anything that they thought I might do better than them...seriously I maybe look and sound like a smart-ass but I am just an average joe with a up-beat image. So I ended up doing the projects that no one else at the company could do and wanted to show me how, it's like throwing in a 5 year old into NASA and ask him to solve their moon capsule problem.

But I am not complaining cause there is some major ridiculous conversation going on here at work, for example this morning in the meeting room:
- Hi, Yuling. What's happening? We need to talk about your BI report.

- Yeah, what's up with the report?
- Did you get my memo?
- Yeah. I got YOUR memo (and it sucks) and I understand the policy. About the coversheet, I know. Uh, Helmut talked to me about it. And I've already taken care of it so it's not a problem anymore.

- Ah! Yeah. It's just we're putting new coversheets on all the BI reports before they go out now. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right!

It doesn't get more exiciting than this I am telling you people. While some is writing memos about Coversheet policies others are conducting research on why North Korea whould grow more weed.

Singapore

5 month in Singapore! I think someone should give me a medal for doing this, I used to think I am doing this because I want to be in Asia, the financial center, emerging culture, being close to my origin...bla bla bullshit like that. Than I went through the whole thing with my shrink Dr. Augustine (yeah, it is his real name) and I came up with this most proud idea of that I am here because of LOVE, u know to support my bf and a another hell bale of bs. Let me tell you something, it has not been easy. It's nights without sleep, days without appetite and I would be crying out my eyes by the bigass pool and smoking another pack of ciggys with a dead feast on it - a way for the government to disgust people so that the will not smoke, I like to think it as reverse marketing...let's smoke some more cause I like to give birth to bloody babies with their anus between the eyes.

Anyway, I was in the taxi to work this morning and the taxi was doing the usual hey how r u, where r u from, oh SWEDEN, niiice place, do u like Singapore bla bla bla... I could have told him the truth, which is I fucking hate this place and they should give out free deodorant on the streets(on of the reason I can't take public transport in the mornings). But instead I go, It's nice.... He becomes very happy and starts to brag about how this city got Sentosa(a plastic island with pink dolphins), Clarke Quay(club area,if u r 14 n like to wear lipgloss with sparkles in it than this is for u) and that when the Sands Casino and Universal Studio gonna come this is going to be the best city on the whole fuckamotha planet earth. So I tell him DIU, what about Geylang, u liiiike it? Geylang is a red-light district where you can get a cheap quickfix for as low as 5SGD = 2.5Euro, btw. porn, anal/oral sex and sexual remedy tools are illegal here. The taxi driver goes ballistic about how Geylang is not what represents this nation n I tell him to shut up cause I didn't pay this bloody surcharge in the morning to hear his propaganda about what a paradise I am in. Actually, I just tell him - "no engles, habla espanol?" He goes - you r not Chinese? u speak english so good before! I still persist -"no hablo Chinese, sorry sorry, no englishes." He drops me at work and I say - 'hasta la vista asshole". Don't think he heard the last word but who cares.

Sunday

Sundays is for sleeping by the poolside with your headphones plugged in(blasting New Order), Ray Bans on(eyes closed),Hat and a pack of any ciggys of ur choose. Last night me n AJ went for some Indian fine dinning shit with the big boss and the wife, the food was okay...but the free flow of bubble kind of saved my appetite. Talking about appetite, I just discovered that I can't eat meat. I mean not like I am all vegan and wears self dyed batic shirt n stuff, I seriously feel that I wanna puck when I eat chicken or lamb.

ANyways, last night was boring. Not in a dramatic sense of boredom but more in a "everyday singapore boredom". Met up with some friends in Attica and I had to tell the stupid bouncer that Jorge told me to tell him to give me a vip wreslet. I hate to tell someone that somebody else wants me to him something. Spent 10 min talking with the new boys from AVE and realized that aquisitions actually spells aquasessions for the boys from Brazil...language barrier I concluded.

WED 11 FEB 17:23

Shooting caffeine tablets at work and thought that I should text my booker and let her know that I don't work on fridays anymore. So I text her n ask her if I got any castings to go to this friday, 2min later I get this message back saying that no castings for tomo. N I go like, wtf isn't it thursday tomorrow? I check my phone and it says WED 11 FEB 09, I ask my friendly coworker and she assure me with her annoying voice it is wednsday today, I even fucking google "todays date".

Anyways, I text Angie who I met on the Adidas casting and ask her where we should go for free drinks n food. So she goes, "Models night every thursday on Supper Club, wanna go tonight?"

For hell sake, what's wrong with everybody today? People in fashion industry doesnt know the weekdays apparently.

So I call up my mum and goes: what day is it today?
Mum: who is this?
Me: it's ME mum.
Mum: are you at work?
Me: yes, what day is it today?
Mum: Wednsday...
Me:...mmm
Mum: did you stop taking your Prozac? You know what your father and I said what finishing up the treatment before....
Me:... I got a meeting with my boss now. Bye mum!

And I hang up