At the airport

At Changi showing a sandwich right now, will be in Hk tonight being naughty with Itai n Bonnie. Haha! Tomo I will try to get to my grandmas with a visa in one cancelled passport and one new passport. Wish me luck. The CCP could be generous because it's the 60th anniversary of the communist party or they could put me in a women prison n have my ass raped by some butchy lesbian with shaved head.

There are some mini French fries playing next me n it's alot "allez allez" going on there.

Btw I will be China for one week which means no blogging. It's still banned! I will not be updating here until the 8th unless I get deported back immediately tomo. Well, that would be one hell of a story.

Laters suckers!

Blur

photos: etsy

Grand Prix by night

We went to the F1 nightrace this wknd and I saw one crash and one overtake the rest was just madly loud car engine sounds, even with the earplugs it was massive. It was mostly aussies, asians and singaporean expats...not many americans thoug, I guess they are idiots that only watches nascar. Not my dear friend Cliff thou, but we all know he goes to F1 because it is flashy and because of all the parties. AJ saw Lindsay Lohan at the Simple Minds concert, Sam Ronson was dj-ing at some party at the national museum. NERD sucked and I tried really hard to find Nick Carter at the race but I guess he was blowing Pharrels holy.

Update: here is an picture for all you illiterate peeps out there.

Motorbike racer in practise

Punished for gluttony

M. is coming over for dinner, she is late but it´s alright because this time I outdid myself. Fresh flowers, candlelight, three course dinner, white wine, red wine, cocktail(vodka coke, but anyways!) and special guestroom soap from Japan. AJ asked me if I got a date with a guy... he should know by now that I will never work my ass of for a dude. Right now I am sitting in the dark in the very white livingroom and there is a unpleasant feeling of fatigue showering over the back of my head, abit like a ticking clock that goes slower by every minute. I better go and check on the lobster bisque.

I think this is better than being on Valium.

Remedy

My remedy for this dark day, here’s the riddle:




The answer: Plaths' Bell Jar and Tranquilizer

Porn

jag gillar att titta på mig själv när jag skiter=I like to look at myself when I shit

by irwin penn
I think I am going blind, I told him outside the bookstore. The smell of the sweat that was perspiring heavenly from him made my stomach clench and for a second I thought everything was going black. If I pass out here I hope someone will bring me home, maybe I should write a small note with my address on it and put it in my pocket, or maybe my bag considering I am wearing faux-jean leggins with no pockets. The rain is pouring down and I can't see a thing again.

marios world

Johanna Stickland(yupe that's her real lastname)

FT got a piece on Mario Testino this weekend and the man is a genius when it comes to sell what he photograps. However his comment on the weight issue in the fashion world is somewhat watery; "Testino keeps talking: about the subject of the fashion world’s obsession with skinny girls, on which he is absolutely clear. Models, he says, are teenagers. Teenagers are skinny. “It’s normal! When I was 16, I was skinny. And the reason why designers hire these girls ... is because clothes just look better on a skinnier person. For the simple fact that the outfit moves........The moment people like us, or anybody that’s a little bit chubby,” he continues, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt and pinching it tight, “nothing moves. Things are clinging on to your fat. So it’s hard to do a fashion story on somebody that’s like that.”

Wtf is he talking about? Yes, clothes looks better on bones than fat. Just as it is "normal" to be skinnier when you are 16, it is also a common fact than women will get more meaty and juicy with age. Let's face it, either you got fucked up metabolism or you starve yourself.

long wknd

margaret durow

The effect of C17H17NO(C2H3O2)2

new look

by audrey

still working to make it better.

I m a html dummie

Help needed asap

in the world where you are never enough

I went to Carrefour and bought a bale of Heineken, four bottles of red wine, 24 bottles of Pocari and lots, lots of processed food. Since continue showing-the -hand to the model industry my life has been calorie-ful! And I don´t even care about getting "pizza-faced" anymore, pizza-faced refers to the nasty, oily pimple skin condition which usually occures after feasting on fastfood like McD,pizza hut and KFC. Andrea wrote to me on msn last night that she wants to start modelling, but need to loose 14kg first.

When I was 15 years old I looked liked a belsen prisoner and got approached by a agency in HK. Thank god my folks said not until u r 20! Otherwise who knows which photographers cock I would be blowing at this very moment.

What I really wanted to tell Andrea is stay in school and continue binge on your carb-rich meals. Cause you do not want to enter a world where you will never be good enough. Seriously, I have had people in the industry telling me; too fat, too skinny, broad shoulders, not enough shoulders, dry hair, soft hair, delicate lips, too small mouth, perfect hips, too much curves, asian eyes, eurasian eyes....the list continues. What I am trying to say is that no matter what you do it really doesnt matter. And the money doesn't make sense: the higher a job's fashion quotient, the less money I would be offered. Don´t take me wrong, I still loves the industry ,but I, like any non-super model, occupied, realized that the problems of the modeling industry are not in fact personal, but structural. I never hated my job, kind of loved it, the ciggarette-diet and the pay and the persistent feeling that what I was doing was, you know, creative.

But I began to grow scared that the longer I stayed in this industry, the more I enjoyed the denial of my real-life obligations. I went over a year getting know people that would be flying in to Singapore for 6weeks and we would bond hardcore and before we got time to get sober the next dispatch would be coming in and I havn´t even noticed who was already gone. And it made me the kind of person who couldn´t tell the difference between a real friend and someone that enjoys snorting class A narcotics. Possibly because, I wasn´t clean myself.

People ask me what I m going to do next, I tell them that I do gotten bored. Atleast they got one less to retouch

Greed is good, curiousity is even better

I like to buy things, own things but most of all I love to find out things. This is ofcourse one of the qualities of being the only child and coming from divorced parents. For me control is the air I breath and not knowing what is going to happen for the next 48h makes me sweat ratpiss. For example, when the the creditcard bills comes I rip the envelope apart and even if I don´t want to know how many digits the total at the end of the paper adds up to, I already know. For some other "people" it is the opposite I guess, let´s say "people" I know and that I live with is the kind that let the bill sleep in the sealed bed and hope for that it will magically vanish into.......more debts?

My curiousity is not always welcomed by my "people", but why keep guessing when you can find out by yourself. So i took my brokeass and sat down in the office to once for all clear up all the bills, after my Sweden trip I felt like I deserved it. "Smakar det så kostar det", Swedish proverb meaning If it tastes good than it must cost alot. I felt I was doing pretty good when I opened the Singapore creditcard bills.

As follows is a sms I sent out to my "people"

"....I opened our bills, it´s nice. So when do I get the special treatment at the Ristorante de Valentino(suggesting the dinner for 300SGD). Or maybe you would like to pick-me-up first at Mimolette(drinks for 200SGD). Do rmba that I only drink Champagne"

pais tropical

Portuguese men are the strongest and most sexually pleasing. They work hard all day so when they get home to their wives and girls, they expect you to get on your knees and fucking suck off their massive cock. Because Portuguese men have such massive cocks that it’s physically exhausting for them to jack off themselves. So you get on your knees and try to fit it in your mouth. Then let him fuck you in the ass while in the shower, because he’s leaving soon to go work again!

soooo sleepy

I woke up at 11 but is still like a zombie, need to jump into the shower before meeting up with Cliff. He has some art he wanted to show me at the Asian Civilisation Museum. laters suckers.

perfect

i had my last review at my eye doctor today, the first thing he asked was "how was the weed in amsterdam?". i corrected him ofcourse by saying "u mean stockholm...n it has not made me blind...yet ..right". last time I was there he was warning me about smoking weed after having lasik surgery....yadda yadda yadda. I see better when I m high, I look happier too. btw. I got perfect sight. I really thought it would make my life happier, but no, not this time either.

I am taking one day at a time and today was a good day, I also received the greatest letter ever from Carin back home. Actually for a couple of days ago I got another one from Carro. What would I do without my friends. We had plenty of good times and some bad ones together but nothing can change it and I don´t want to change anything. I just wished I could see them more often. I wish I had all my good people, all my beautiful good people in my pockets.

i m just yoking

Söderling just beat Davydenko and is about to loose again, yepp he is playing against Roger in the next round. Seriosuly, how fucking unlucky can it be?! You beat Nadal but can´t even scratch Federer. The Swede is the greatest ever when he tries to break a very svenne "yoke" during the final of French Open by mentioning something about the - weather. What else!

I m going to wake up early in the morning and play tennis, NOT. Still fricking jetlagged and my wrist is fucked up.

my skin is breaking out majorly, good that I m off the working scheme for a while (shooting, casting, whoring)

"puss puss, din jävla fitta" - Lady gaga and Alexander Skarsgård in Paparazzi music video

saturday

Was at the museum today with two kids, andrea is 12 and michel is 8. michel was wearing a brah and both me and aj thought it was cool, he actually asked her "what for?". She scratched her fat tummy and said because she wants to. because I want to, nothing else matters when a childs honesty kicks ass.

it was all like in a Godard movie

my people looks good in anything

its harsh how life can switch from heaven to hell. Maybe hell is not the fair description for what I m dealing with here, its more like I m in an air conditioned glasshouse where I can see perfectly whats going on outside, in Hell.

Being back home in stockholm for 2.5 weeks was just painful and jolly all the time, at the same time, I know I´ll have to leave all my annoyingly beautiful friends behind so I keep reminding myself everyday that Joy is momentarily, but Pain is forever. Call it self-desctructive, to me it´s being true to one self. I admire people that can appreciate blue skys and sunny weekends, to me it is just moments that shadows the real world. I rather see lonely men sitting in cafes. Thats just me. I am a whore and this is some dark times.

x