"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." -Oscar Wilde

very important stuff going on today. it feels like it is going to hell already, what the fuck I will just bear it out. tell u guys later.

Sunday means Chanel.

I hate the feeling of going to sleep almost starving, but I love the feeling of waking up knowing I made it.

Read and take notes bitches!

Go to yajanda.blogspot.com for more


I was a fat kid. Puppy fat, isn't that what you call it? I loved sweets, chocolate, food, coke. I was a healthy kid, children should eat. The human being is not supposed to be skin and bones. But I was chubby, and being chubby was not acceptable in a society of pro-skinniness.

The first time I lost weight was when my mom got a brain tumor and was dying, I was so depressed I couldn't eat and ever since, I link food with emotions, I feel bad - cannot eat, I feel good - can eat.

But I have to admit, I do have problems, sometimes serious problems with food. And I disgust myself for having it.


But who doesn't wanna be anorectic and totally fab?! Here are my tips for the one who needs to lose weight, for those who are tired of the - "exercise and eat healthy" - bullshit. Here are some real good tippy-tips for you who seriously want to get rid of those extra pounds.


1. NEVER EAT FUCKING BREAKFAST. I drink black coffee till I feel sick, when lunch is served, take a nice walk around the neighbourhood. Suck on a lolly pop or some shit. And drink more coffe.

2. STAY AWAY FROM FUCKING HOME. Imagine being alone home, there's only you and the fridge, nobody except God will watch you pig out like a swine, and maybe you're not even religious. If you're not home, you don't have access to the food. (unless you pig out at McDonald's, but God forbid).

Get a job instead or work as a volounteer.

3. GET A PARTNER WHO VERBALLY FUCKING ABUSES YOU. ´The times I've been skinniest have been when I've been in a relationship with some sadistic man who pinches my "fat" aka "skin" and talks about beautiful skinny girls he's seen on the subway or downtown or such, only to make me jealous. And women are raised to satisfy, it's deeply rooted in our minds and of course we'll do everything and anything to keep our men, to make them see us, to make them stay with us. Oh, poor us women. And fuck the macho, as Svetlana would put it. (I love you Svetlana Loboda).

4. Whenever you eat, eat whatever you want. If you wanna drink double cream, go for it. Just don't have any meals of real food. I can't remember last time a had a good, healthy meal. I just eat candy, chips, junk, trash, drugs, air...

Back on track, DINNER. Watch out for the big no no; I haven't eaten all day, I can afford piggying out. NO, YOU CAN'T. I hate the feeling of going to sleep almost starving, but I love the feeling of waking up knowing I made it.

5. Start using all kinds of weightloss drugs and COFFEE. The pills work, believe me. But it comes with a price, your health. (But who gives a fuck about fucking health??) Maybe they're just placebo, but for me they work, at least mentally.

Vassup

On the question of what Bruno sleeps in, the Austrian gay star replied:

"In reality, ich sleep in a seaweed body wrap under a Zac Posen Navy-Cut Nightshirt. In mein dreams, ich sleep naked in a giant reed basket drifting slowly down ze Nile, cradled in ze arms of Daniel Radcliffe."

one of those days

The nurse from the Lasik eye centre called me up today to ask if everything was fine, I told her that last night I had to much too drink and this morning my eyes was aching like hell. Nurse Lee - "alcohol dehydrates your whole body, just use the eye lubricant drops and on saturday you can start to wear eye products". Great, so I will go blind everytime I drink. I am so fucking hungover today it reminded me of when I was 15 and was swearing to myself with the head on the toilet seat that I will never never ever drink again. Oh well, u all know that story and how it goes.

I bought Marie Clarie the other day and it had a "not suitable for young people" sticker on the frontpage just below the waistline of Bruno. Bruno is a blast, cant wait til his new movies comes out. Today I learned from the mag. that 5% of British women had one night stands just to piss the partner off and that parsley and celery makes your body retain less fluid. How to pack for the perfect summer holiday and how to prevent cellulite.

I am getting more excitd about my Stockholm trip and Boy(my friend from LDN that I met in Goa) asked if one day is enough to see me in Sthlm. Maybe he is afraid of telling his wifey that he is going to Sthlm for one night. It doesnt sound right, does it. I deserve more than one night anyways.

You can masturbate in the morning, after your coffe, before lunch...

I finally did it, I went to the Lasik surgeon and last Saturday my eyes were getting burned by laser like a turkey in the oven during Thanksgiving. The pain after the surgery made me question myself if I ever going to be able to stand childbirth, anyways I thought I was going blind. But I can see now! Although I have to wear shades when I read, watch tv, sms-ing, even when I shit. It´s ok, I feel like a moviestar, cause thats what I imagine them doing...shitting with a pair of Raybans on.

Seriously, I havn´t done much since coming back from the Seoul-Shanghai trip. Now with the whole eye surgery I can't work for a month, which is ok cause lately I realized that models are like prostitutes anyways, just skinnier and with a employment pass. Hey, we(models) are not even better paid in some cases. But my portfolio keeps starring at me and its like -"bitch, move your ass to the castings". I couldn't stand this mocking everyday so I decided to ease my pain by going to Stockholm for two weeks at the end of this month. Yeeeees, home sweet home. Finally!

I must be the best girlfriend out there, I told AJ today that I don't mind if he masturbates whenever he wants. Ofcourse it would be more fun if he would do it infront of me but I think he is a shy-masturbator. He thinks that I am a freak because I like gayporn. So I thought we should make a agreement; he can jerk it off whenever and whereever and I get to keep my schnaggle videos. Don't take my wrong, two guys getting it on doesnt turn me on but when was the last time you saw a goodlooking male pornstar? Whenever Redtube starts to put up videos with Josh Hartnett lookalike and Hayden Christensen pussslammers I will end my lovely relationship with the CockonCock people.

H is for "High-vaisted Jeans"

I need the new issue of Marie Clarie, with Bruno contributing some intelligent thoughts into the fashion world.

"A is for Austria, ze most amazing place in Europe. Ve're all proud of our country und are raised to try and achieve ze Austrian dream - find a job, get a dungeon und raise a family in it."

Or

S is for "September 11th 2001": "Famous, of course, for being ze day on vich Oscar de la Renta reintroduced ze chambray peasant blouse."

And

Madonna, Naomi Campbell and Vogue editor Anna Wintour were all comedy targets.
A "little black child" is "zis seasons's vardrobe essential", Bruno wrote in reference to Madonna's attempt to adopt a second Malawian baby, while Wintour is likened to a "pre-op trannie". Of Campbell, he said: "She's amazing - twenty years in ze business und all ze pressure und fame hasn't changed her a bit - she's remained a total bitch."

Picture this

There is a great documentary out there made by a topmodel Sarah Ziff and her ex-bf. Unfortunatelt I must admit that the stuff the say in this movie is true. Well, brave of her to step out and tell the story. But this kind of makes me want to deny the whole industry, and lately I think I have been.

Picture Me Trailer

Should would could....the story of my life

Should be in the gym, would have been in the supermarket already, could stop fooling around. But nah, I never do what I should, would or could.

Lazy lazy lazy

Off duty

I learned a new word in Shanghai, MOD. Me MOD? Noooooo. Apparently I am, and MOD=Model Off Duty. Thanks Karen for letting me know.

La Perla show yesterday at the Brazilian Embassy was somewhat of a weird experience. I got all pysched about going there cause Brazil means one thing to me, actually two(dance is the second one) but lets talk about the most important attibute - beautiful women. The models were not brazilian and most of them looked like they had a accident at the hairdressers with the bleach. Listen girl, if u look like a burkawearing muslim dun go blonde unless you want to be taken as a prostitute from Istanbul. Let's talk about the guests, Brazilians or not they were all fat and daked out housewifes that probably get more excited about the new Birkin bag than getting fucked by their rich husbands. See Karen, now you now why your friend owns 5 Birkins, cause she never see the cock. The champagne finished before the show( big nono, even in the diplomacy world) and there were not enough goody-bags for all the guests. I give it an A for effort and a F for the result.

Love Peace and Cheese rolls

Just dance...or maybe laugh

I am back in town (Singapore) and stayed in bed the whole Monday, well besides when Carol was changing the bedsheets. Tuesday was pure pain, pain in my head, pain in my stomach, pain in my conscious. Not that I have done something inappropriate but because the reality is creeping up on me like a ridiculous Incan pipecleaner lady in mom jeans from Winnipeg. Boo-fucking-hoo you think, Yuling is back in Singapore and the suffering starts here. I was at my embassy this morning to get my new passport, I really didn't want to leave the house but because of my Indonesia trip this weekend I forced myself up very early(10.30am) and stepped into the shower with the hair still smelling like yesterday nights binge. On my old passport picture I look like a Persian transvestite, on the one I picked up today I look like a FAT Persian transvestite - with good skin thou. Goosh I love b/w pictures.

AJ came with me because being away from me for 10 days have the amazing effect of "I'm sticking with you. 'Cos I'm made out of glue. Anything that you might do. I'm gonna do too". He is a cool companion, even if he looks like he needs benzo more than me. I guess his outburst makes me keeping it cool. I told him this morning in the cab that sometimes you just have to laugh, it's like North Korean state-sanctioned Karaoke...all the songs are crap so just keep on singing and dancing.

Back in Singapore

I will devote monday and tuesday to rest up from my trip.

My dick is still VIP and your dick needs ID

Xoxo