heartbroken and homicidal

i went to the movies with Y. and it was vanessa paradis running around in chanel dresses in monaco with this french dude that looks like he got a gum stuck to his fronttooth. je l'aime. go n see it, its called Heartbreaker or something like that in french.

talking about broken hearts, i never admitted to myself how heartbroken I am after the whole rollercoaster ride with aj n hw. honestly I am fucking heartbroken. i can say that this is the first time I have felt like this. its not like i am too sad to wake up in the morning but it has reached to the point that my interest for the opposite sex or sex overall is nil. isnt that fucking tragic. i still havnt figured out if aj, hw or myself is the cause for this need to smoke heroin (i would never do it but still admit it sound pretty sweet).

ok folks, im just going to spit it out. I AM FUCKING SAD, HOMICIDAL AND HEARTBROKEN. Dont get fooled by the smirk on my face its all just theatre or the intermission between when I sit here in the mid of night sleepness sipping alcohol.

i am worried about myself. and that says it all. no alcohol, drugs, men or bags(!) will make me feel better. im just going to sit this one out.