i feel cheap

today i feel dirt cheap. woke up at noon when my phone was ringing, it was my ex ex ex bfs mum. hell does come knocking on the door sometimes, but she was nice and i actually misses her. ran down to the hippie cafe and grabbed some quesadilla with espresso and thought i was dying when i realized i finished up a whole box of mint chocolate last night while watching arrested development. i feel pressured, in 2 weeks ill be in hk and last summer was just fucking dope. i dont know think anything can top that shit i managed to squeeze out in 2010. love happens when u least expect it but ouch how the aftermath can hurt! i m not depressed, im just too happy. namaste namaste namaste, not working.

Hk was cool in 2006 cause we used to make friends with total strangers 5am at mcdonalds coz they thought eggs benedict is better than sunny side up. Hk was cool in 2010 cause we thought tomorrow would never come and total strangers became lovers and friends fuck buddies. Hk will be cool in 2011 cause we will be too smashed to even rmba about really went down in 2006 or 2010. love will not save your life but it does fil that empty space in ur almost 30 uterus with something less pretencious than a fucking baaaaaaaybiiiiii.

i need valium

monday

yo sucker! im running like a labmouse on crack these days. in one week ill be in motherland again, a lil bit of daddy to start with. than we got queen ks wedding that is turning out to be the reunion of the century. ulrik just holla-ed at me from copenhagen and he is sorry that my lovelife consists of oversubscription of relationships and one heart broken in 1000 pieces. so i told him he should be happy that he still fucks his gf more than once per week. he calls me a heartbreaker and I insists on being the one with the broken heart. this is the man that used to sneak me into his post-grad dorms 7 in the morning and let me take as many of his painkillers as I wanted. bros before hos. wooooooord!

gotta run. laters lovers and fuckers.

when I enter a room I m going to walk in slowmotion while this song is playing

pain pleases pleasure

heartbroken and homicidal

i went to the movies with Y. and it was vanessa paradis running around in chanel dresses in monaco with this french dude that looks like he got a gum stuck to his fronttooth. je l'aime. go n see it, its called Heartbreaker or something like that in french.

talking about broken hearts, i never admitted to myself how heartbroken I am after the whole rollercoaster ride with aj n hw. honestly I am fucking heartbroken. i can say that this is the first time I have felt like this. its not like i am too sad to wake up in the morning but it has reached to the point that my interest for the opposite sex or sex overall is nil. isnt that fucking tragic. i still havnt figured out if aj, hw or myself is the cause for this need to smoke heroin (i would never do it but still admit it sound pretty sweet).

ok folks, im just going to spit it out. I AM FUCKING SAD, HOMICIDAL AND HEARTBROKEN. Dont get fooled by the smirk on my face its all just theatre or the intermission between when I sit here in the mid of night sleepness sipping alcohol.

i am worried about myself. and that says it all. no alcohol, drugs, men or bags(!) will make me feel better. im just going to sit this one out.

its hard being myself when few can appreciate it

Me:

"Thats great. Do let me know the plan and what kind of tasks I will be dealing with so I can prepare accordingly. Meanwhile here is my updated CV. I need to start to look for accomodation in SHA if this will be happening. I see this as an opportunity to get to know the market and also work on my network. If you agree with me than I think this could be a win-win situation for both of us! Thanks alot Andrew!"

Andrew:

"plan... tasks... accordingly... know the market... network... win win..."

Good god! What has working in Scandinavia done to you? You sound like a bunch of business self help books cobbled together!"

Me:

"good that people like you can give me a bitchslap when needed and drag me out of the cubicle world i have been living in since i got back to this country where women are not allowed to behave like real redblooded women and men are like women (read how feminism destroyed the real men).

so here i am with lots of brass in my pocket and no skin off my nose. which should be appreciated more but i guess i havnt found my place yet, or maybe its the opposite. i guess i m a hippie entrepreur in corporate slutsuit.

hit me back if you think i could squeeze out some juice in china this summer rather than pounding the deadmeat in stockholm. im thirsty like a beast. "

Result:

"now THAT is the goddess I remember!"

what am my doing here?

i seriously got no idea why i am back in sweden. need to leave NOW