all my eggs in one basket

i slept 4 h last night and for some reason i dreamt about this guy i randomly banged for exactly a year ago in seoul, it was a nightmare yo! i rmba he was like the hottest thing i had seen but the lack of well equipped tools made me a very very sad girl.

anyways, i m heading to the airport in a couples and right now i wish my old maid carol was here to help me to fold my undies and guns. im tired, im hurt, im flying away. no valium needed for this flight, im doozing away already.

i will see what i can do about blogspot being blocked in motherland. vpn vpn vpn

love ya all

banana

to pizza or not to pizza

my last wknd here in swedenland (for this summer) brought me back som hopes about that home could be more than a place where u hang ur head. after last night i dont think my head exist anymore. I cant see myself living here ALONE. I need to get a dog or a husband to keep myself busy with, i wana iron manshirts on sunday mornings while my husband is on his way back from a conference where he fucked some random clerks from the operations department. why cant we all live in one city. im not feeling good, these days i feel like shit but i keep holding my knees up, my panties clean, my bra tight! going strong for what? so that i can live a 9-5 life with drunken wknds followed by another meaningless workweek. no thank you i want a fucked up world where passion is everywhere and penises doesnt come in small packages.

deftones is playing in the backgound and i cant stop thinking about bali, this song reminds of bali and how much i hated being there with aj and when i was standing in the our balinese kitchen making mushrooms shakes for him. my boobs are making a (small) come back and with my now fuller body I never felt more empty. I cant be made of flesh and blood there must be more to it, i might be easy on the eyes but i am not easy on the heart. believe me, im trying hard to become the norm. i fucking wants to define the NORM. my attention disorder is breaking my own heart and others. even my writing nowdays feels like jibberish, like a rebel without a cause. really, that expression is exactly how i feel right now....corny shit u think.
nothing will ever become better, life only consists of small strings of laughs but most of it is only dissappoints and waiting for more sadness or the worst: emptiness.

color my life with the chaos of trouble NOW

the letter i never sent

dear arsehole,

u dont deserve real love you punk (you hated when I called you that PUNK PUNK PUNK). you think you loved me but you never did, you dont even know what real love is. real love is letting things go, real love is being true to others but most importantly to yourself. some people may say love comes before loyalty, i think without loyalty there can be no love. i never ever cheated on you and you are hating me because of the wrong reasons. if you only knew how much i held my feelings back and later how I managed to pour myeslf out because of you you will understand why I dont value the word love or how little the phrase "i love you" means to me.

i never thought I will hate you but i am not feeling any remorse for saying that i will be smiling when you are bitching cause someone cut your penis in 5 pieces. i will be laughing until my stomach hurts when you fall on your face and dont know what direction to go. you are a selfish lil bitch ass that got a long way to go and i promise you, if our path ever cross again you better be ready cause my palm will be coming at such rapid speed toward your dirty cheek you wouldnt even know your own name when I am done with you. you will see me turn my beautiful neck(yes, i know your weakness punk) and walk away in my two slenders and for a moment you would ask yourself how you could ever let a real woman runaway. let me save you a bitchslap and tell you that I never ran away cause i believes in loyalty and i fuck on the first date.

x
y.

homedelivered vodka with valium por favor

fricking thursday. everything that can wrong will go wrong. i m problably the worst person when it comes to adapting to new circumstances when it comes to my personal business. being one hot mess (thanks ms chung) still means Im a mess. And lately I havnt being spreading around much of my hotness. more like im so stressed i sweat like im in menopause. and i think the 30s is finally knocking on my door, everything i eat seems to go to the arse and hips. my hip is literally ripping apart my panties, atleast someone is ripping it apart.

whats my name? banana? please dont step on me cause ill make you fall.

one thought just came to my mind, if sleep is so important why the hell does the yoga mornig classes has to start so bloody early. i need to have time to smoke my 5 cigarettes before exercise.

now some mingle with my ex-consulting firm. my ex-file is bursting, personal and professional. i am a stable person. promise.

and i will be expecting drunken calls this wknd from u all, my last wknd in swedenland for this summer! holla at me 0046707732857 --------------------------- bisou

this one is for my bonbon. he is not worth it. he is giving up before even trying

im busy so here is something to keep u busy