sundays are always the worst

therefore i m going to spend this day working. off to the photoshoot. work is my valium nowdays.

im still sick n home. from having stomach pain to having chest pain. very nice indeed. had to call to our it manager n ask him to go through my emails for me. mighty embarassing.

besides that ive noticed that fate is fucking my ass with a pink dildo that got small kitty stickers on it. u know what they say when a door closes god opens up a window for u. in my case it seems like when a door closes the almighty is just preparing me for the big ass anal pain that is coming. hey, thanks for making my life atleast not boring.

dramas are for others to watch n not for me to live in. fuckaduck

absurd

i m depressed. for real. n i got boycancer, its uncurable. i tried to self-treat once, back in 2006 by living like Oscar Wilde once said "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." And I yield, oh boy if I yielded to the rooftop and back down to the basement again. Never has so many hearts been broken n buttons been unbuttoned. But noone knew it was not the cure I was experiencing, only the sideeffects.

So here I am again, treating the same disease by yielding to it. no no no. this time something needs to be different. i havnt figured out what but im going there. our feelings comes from how we express ourself and words build our expressions. Love means nothing, its only a word. Yielding for love to be conquered by it, its a dangerous ride where we dont know for sure we want to be on. Love does exist and it does sometime conquer ones heart and our logic. However, that should not be conquered by anyone, so that it can leave us some control over who and what we love.

wuhan

yo suckers, im in wuhan n i go to bed at 4am every night, i think as it doing the jet lag backwards. i seriously cannot wait until getting back to sweden so i can occupy my ass with some work n getting it tapped unsucessfully.

last night i went for korean bbq with my relatives, me myself had the urge to drink two bottles of soju. i think of it as drenching my sorrows (not so much) and worries (got plenty). my grandma is getting to my nerves, i love her dearly but i realized that i tend to secluding myself to solitude n this just makes her want to feed me even more. living by myself since 19 does make you somewhat a difficult child in the adults eyes.

it doesnt matter if you see me or not, im standing right there
with no emotion.

it doesnt matter if you miss me or not, the feeling is right there
and it isnt going anywhere.

it doesnt matter if you love me or not
love is right there and is not going to change.

it doesnt matter if you are with me or not
my hand is in your hand and Im not going to let it go

let me embrace you or let me live in you heart.

silence. love. calmness. joy.

i m so tired

so tired i sleep until i get tired of sleeping n i fall asleep again

shizzle

my dad is tough ass n he comes with cash in a pink plastic bag

tomo is the nye and i get to celebrate it with dear friends in the kong

i just realized that mama was right. im not dating A guy, im dating his mother n father as well.

sweeeeeeeet