Fake Tan doesnt fade...just like relationships

Year 1
This is the year of "The crush". Excitement, energy, hot sex and hope infuses every aspect of the relationship. Making the possibilities seem limitless, rosy and un-put-downable. Not much to say beyond that.

Year 2 pt1
Some afterglow remains. You begin to perceive shortcomings in your partner's psyche, which will severely limit your ability to "grow" as a couple. You get pissed, you argue. Make-up sex make things better. You start to notice how good food tastes, how interesting books are, how marvelously distracting distractions can be. You might rediscover masturbation and think, " Hey, I'm a pretty good masturbator!" The relationship is tumultuous, but in a classic pop song sense-this is pretty fun, actually, you sort of feel like a tortured artist, except that you are not creating art.

Year 3-9
This is where I am suppose to leave it blank due to lack of information and experience. But I am pretty confident that I can fill in all the gaps and drama within my second year of relationships. So let us continue.

Year 2 pt2(most people would consider this year3 and up)
Your friends tell you to get out. His friends tell him to get out. You relearn each other's emotional limitations and psychological shortcomings on a daily basis. An hourly basis. He consider therapy, you go to therapy. You take Prozac, and later on discover how wonderful life can be if you mix it with Valium and Merlot. This is good, this is the beginning of a choice(see solution) growing inside of you. The boredom of the relationship is tarnishing, which maked you suspect that it is not actually made of gold, but brass. Here is what you will find out: It's not even brass. Your relationship is made of mold. what you are seeing as tarnish is actually more mold breaking down and feeding on itself. Fucking mold DUDE.

Year 2 pt3
Some ups and downs, mostly downs, even the ups are a bit downish. You try to use your partners shortcomings to your advantage. Good for you. You will fail. Your friends will tolerate your relationship like they tolerate the clanking sound in a car engine. After a while it's just there, no reason to ackonwledge it. You go on a trip with friends, without your partner. You have a real good time. You go on a trip, just you, without your partner. You fuck some random guy from Sacramento. You have a really good time.

Your mother tells you to get out(read year 1). You begin to consider divorce, but then you aren't really married yet. Your partner think, well maybe we should get married and with that commitment we can finally relax and let go of the "fantasy" of a happy relationship and find real happiness in reality and a promise of undying okayness. The word "okayness" make you wanna vomit. This is a good year to rediscover the artwork of Edward Hopper. There is something about his clean lines and composition that speaks to you.

Year 3 pt4
Just doing time. You are going strong, avoiding your partner as mush as you can, not asking too much from the relationship. You go to Sunday brunches with Champagne. The thought of doing it sober makes you think about African pot-belly kids. You plan a long holiday to Maldives. The thought of doing it sober makes you consider going back to Dr Ong for some more Valium. Dr Ong tells you to not give up, too soon! This bad relationship needs to run its course, and it is marathon. A hell of a fuckinglongbloodsuckinghappinesschokingneverendingtheracefromhellmarathon.

Fake tan doesnt fade, so you wimps out there just getting it real and you two will be crushed!