i should be so lucky lucky lucky. its friday!

i dont think i am ready to take this city by storm. never understimate what a city can do to you.

carin came for a quick visit, i smoked up nearly all the ciggys adriel gave me. he is def. another nathan. he dates but doesnt fuck. i mean how many more meal can my stomack take without getting to the point called "time for the kill". lets hope i dont repeat the same mistake again n bring along another hawon into my world. carin tells me to make a police report for his threats towards me, i just cant bring myself to admit to myself that the boy that once would cut off his own left hand for me is wanting to have my head on a plate. love and hate is surely different sides of the same coin.

last night me and vic went to have massage done by blind boys born in the late 80s. i never thought blind boys would ever hit on me. oh well. i will forever be by myself. andrew serenated a song for me on the balcony the other day and it goes:
" Day after day night after night
B7 E7
Loneliness creeps in her window
D A F#7
She locks the door, turns off the light
B7 E7 G7
Rehearsing a kiss on her pillow, she cries
A# C D
It's all in a day's work"

Yes, I only bullshit myself.

off to eat ribs with the 2nd generation rich kids now. Im no trustfund, only trustFUN. Laaaammmeee.

kisses from the whore of shanghai, not me, shanghai.