all the tickets were sold out to HK until tomo afternoon. all the chinese are dying to get there during this national holiday. my dad let his gf use my car n driver which resultet in me being a total baby and threatened to take in to a hotel. i dont understand why the hell she is using MY car when he is already buying her a car. i had to take taxi TWICE today. maybe its the PMS or simply because im a brat with too much luggage for a wknd in HK. I ran into the westins and was ready to get a room when mr lamborghini called n i just cried out like a fat infant in a hotel lobby full of arabs and russians. he convinced me to take a cab (again) n get back home to"resolve" things with my father. than monsiuer calls n had to listen to my fucking crap and was telling me that his daughter doesnt have a driver or car so it would never be a issue for us. oh, go n fuck urself. really. i told him i dont shit where i eat.

so i gave my father the silent treatment and he gave me a handle ful of cash. for a second i felt like julia roberts in that scene where she is crying in pretty woman with bills flying everywhere and no one is helping her. i never felt more cheap in my whole life.

this is how chinese generals/fathers/men solve problems. if he could stop lying and be a man infront of his woman maybe i would consider giving him a discount. this is how daughters solve problems.

Not-Ok Rain




Very-Ok Rain (Bi)




was stuck in a typhoon for 7h on a flight between shanghai and guangzhou. the pilot circulated on top of GZ for like an hour, had us passenger going on a rollercoaster ride for 30min and than lands us in another city. i love china. really. father never complains, waited for me at the airport and giving the controltower a hard time.

heading over to HK in 2h!

not much going on lately. mostly work. yeeeeaaaah, can u imagine that, I WORK. n when i say work im not talking about 9 to 5 lame shit. we pull all nighter here in china. not the sexy way, more like u pound that deadline like u would have wanted to pound that handsome korean boy born in the 90s.

speaking of which, bobo ran into my ex in stockholm. apparently he looked "okay". thats her diplomatic way of telling me that he looked pretty hot. that boy is pure evil. but hey u gotta give it to him, he knows his way around in the bedroom.

i think i finally managed to break it off with monsieur. not bad for a first timer like me. however, i managed to fall for his friend...im a lost case.

viv is coming in 20min. oh la la la la

laters fuckers

words are overrated

i fell in love with a bboy. we cant really understand each other due to langugae barrier, luckly he is a dancer and can express himself by pooping and strobing.

growing up in sthlm i m not familiar what to do on a date or how it should be proceeded. somehow it always feels like a official date if the guy is picking you up with his car, scooter or bike. me personally got dropped off once by a bicycle (major romantic factor), picked up by scooter numerous times and once in a while by taxi. i always imagine myself walking out of my building when getting ready for the night, no skirt if he comes with his scooter, if it is a sportscar than def. forget about the heels. Ever tried getting out of a fast ass car in stiletto, unless u r starring in a 007 movie or dating batman himself, believe me its not a pretty sight when your date needs to literally kick you out of the passenger seat. so much for my unstated elegance.

mr tom ford of china brought me everywhere worth tasting, although i was boycotting the jacuzzi on the topfloor of hyatt I never say no to a good bottle of red wine followed by a another bottle of veuve. ofcourse i had to ghettonize the evening with my junkie flair by rolling up one in the Countach. I told mr tom ford to bring his range rover next time, it is absolutely impossible to get out this muscle car being stoned. He offered me a session with this personal trainer. "Honey it is not the car, it is your abs...or lack of it". Fabulous.

oh my fucking god i have become a ferking boring person

its a age thing. 28 is poking my ass and i dont even feel anything. problably because i have been shagged in the arse by this cruel world too many times.

bring out the big dildo world. im up for a fight. a fight against dullness and life as it is expected.

the end that is actually the beginning

monsieur is asking me what kind of problems i have. i tell him he is one of them, i even gave him a nr. he is my problem nr 1274.

actually i dont like to talk about my problems, dr ong was wrong, talking about your problems doesnt makes it better. it only makes you realize what a troubled soul you are and the fact that you may never solve them. i like to talk about HOW rather than WHY. and at this moment i dont know how to solve problem nr 1274.

i've promised my mother to burn away my ink with laser whenever i decide to become a mum. i think i like to cut life in small pieces, that way it seems more reasonable to live. my biggest problem right now is that i dont think i will ever fall in love again. this problem makes people upset, monsieur thinks im just one of those heartbroken teenagers that cries under my teddybear duvet. if i had a duvet i rather make love on top of it. but i dont have any love to give. he told me one year will heal all my wounds. its been 9 month already and i move so fast I think I am standing still.

im at my grandmas place and i found my old diary from the time when i was modelling in hk. its cute, some random notes about casting locations and what kind of nipple sticker i need to buy i also found this sweet message i left for my than bf Juanes. Besides a heart that looks like its been drawn by a 12 yr old I also expressed my feelings for him by stating that I love him very much and wish that he will not forget me (with me being million miles away). Ofcourse I left out those times I got offered blow backstadge and with tears in my eyes calling my dad from a toilet telling him how exhaustated I was. All the novelty dissapeared withtin 3 month I was away and I felt basically I was on boarding school again, instead of going to bed at 10pm I fell asleep during hair and makeup 5am. Juan, if you are reading this I want you to know that you were the first person I truly loved, although I was foolish and young I meant every (ugly) heart I draw for you.

you are wrong monsieur, im not waiting for prince charming. im waiting for myself.